The real monster inside ...
Oh that ugly green eyed monster. She is forever lurking in the back of my mind: quietly, in a very small, very hissy, sinister voice whispering to me, “Not good enough again eh ?”. Sometimes I just want to smack her down and say, “No, no foul beast ! I will not succumb to your viciousness ! My talents will win out in the end !”. And then other times I just let the little bugger have her way with my head and all hell breaks loose for a few days.
I can picture her now sitting up in her lair, which is hidden deep inside the grey matter with which I concoct these fantastical little scenarios. She wrings her hands and waits with restrained glee while I begin to hyper focus on one thing or another. Usually it’s something to do with a skill. A skill that I think occasionally I shine at but like most creative people secretly worry is a big bunch of crap. This skill could be cakes. It could be cooking. It could be reading. It could be gardening. It could be leading kids. Today it is writing a blog. And that little green booger face is starting to get her game on.
I don’t know why I let it worry me so. This is not meant to be competitive. This is not meant to be a way for comparison. This is supposed to be a way for me to express myself, share view points, connect with other writers (if I can call myself that – see ? She’s sneaky…) and generally hone my skills. But then someone new comes along and instantly has more followers, more hits, etc. Why do I even look ? (Because you know they are all better than you, she says with excitement). It’s not supposed to matter and I am supposed to be big enough to not care. But sometimes, oh sometimes, I am just as small and green as my little Jimeny cricket from hell.
Oh Elizabeth. You are my favourite blog.
Oh Sandy – I know
You only can please some of the people some of the time.
But most importantly you have to please yourself.
Do your best and no can falt you for that.
Me
Thank you my lovely hubby
Writing is a struggle, isn’t it? My insecurities have a lot to say about what I write, all negative, so I often struggle to hit the publish button. I think a lot of people who write feel that way, and just knowing that, is a kind of comfort.
Thank you
These moments don’t last long but when they do they just knock the stuffing out of my creative brain.
It happens to all of us…. Keep going and enjoy the process for you.